Some General Information

For all who have webpages: Don't forget you can join the webring by going to www.starlink-irc.org or can ask questions concerning it in #WebRing :)

All channel owners: If you happen to change ISP's or have a change of email address please let someone in #channels know.
If for any reason cservice needs to get in touch with you in regards to your channel we need a valid email address. You can also let cservice know by sending an email to slirc-register@starlink-irc.org

Gameers: Great word game channels: #Trivia, #Scramble, and #WedNiteTriva.
As you enter #Trivia or #Scramble, a message comes up asking for new puzzles or trivia questions and where to send them. If you have any that you would like added, please check out the email addresses in each of these channels and send them in.

• 20 Spring Begins
• 21 Purim
• 24 Kuan Yin's Birthday
• 26 Make Your Own Holiday
• 28 OldMan’s Birthday (#Norwich)
• 30 Doctor's Day
• National Nutrition Month Red Cross Month Social Worker's Month Women's History Month

April

• 1 April Fool's Day
• 2 Mother's Day UK
• 2 Daylight Savings Time
• 8 Cabletech Birthday (#Just4Fun)
• 9-15 Volunteer Week
• 15 Tax Day
• 16 busterc’s Birthday (#Norwich, #HTML)
• 16 Palm Sunday 19 Passover

SPECIALS

• None this month

StarLink-IRC has been honored by receiving a couple of awards the last few days. Check them out at www.starlink-irc.org <http://www.starlink-irc.org/>

• No real gossip this month.

A short column of made-up facts and non-information brought to you by your friendly neighborhood arachnid

FOGWEB FOLLIES

Your intrepid and tirelessley muckraki.. diligent reporter has turned up yet more evidence that the good help better get here soon! To wit .. It seems that one of our channel registrars (who shall remain "amazingly" anonymous *wink* *wink*) had another bit of a dust up with automation again... and lost. I

t seems that she has this vehicle .. which has an alarm system. It also seems this alarm system has switches to turn it on and off (those of you familiar with the world famous sound card debacle from way back can see where this is going!)

Anyhoo .. there is also a switch setting that allows one to re-enable the alarm system whilst one is driving .. security against carjacks and such I would suppose. This way the car will make a horrendous noise if the doors are opened. Ah, it also seems there are two other factors. First, it also goes off if the windows are opened (of course) .. and .. secondly, the vehicle has power windows.

Of course, it was a warm day.... soooo .. SOMEHOW the windows got rolled down (the vehicle having only ONE occupant at the time, we suspect it was the owner/driver...)... and the rest is history! Of course, she had to stop the vehicle and turn it off in order to reset the alarm system..

One may notice that yet again, our anonymous victim has been beaten by sound things. Sure wish the good help would show up someday really soon now! ....

Til next month .. Happy chatting

• #streetcops - chathappy
• #YounGuns - LilDude
• #IKCHorizon-B - Kalwroth
• #Colombia - NeWsted
• #Nascar - Qwert
• #International - Wullie
• #Beginner - Eagle
• #kampung - m|RC32
• #GotJesus - LilMyst
• #HTML - Bus
• #Mp3s_R_Us - ladybug2
• #jeeves - Jeeves
• #AsciiColorArt - Myst
• #POPUP_HAVEN - Eagle721
• #Paradise - Kitana

• http://www.historybuff.com/ Produced by the Newspaper Collectors Society of America, this is an invaluable reference sit for students, crossword puzzle enthusiasts and anyone trying to remember details of anything that was newsworthy. It is complete with numerous search features, voice clips of famous people, journalism hoaxes, Old West including Billy the Kid, Jesse James, Crime Fighters, Civil War, Baseball, the inaugural address of all U.S. Presidents, and is fascinating browsing as well..
• http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/index.html Go Ask Alice is a medical information archive with search capabilities sponsored by Columbia University. If you don't find your answer in the archives, you can send a question to Alice from a Web form. Archives include New Alice Questions, Relationships, Sexuality, Sexual Health, Emotional Health, Fitness and Nutrition, Alcohol, Nicotine, and Other Drugs and General Health . While this is no substitute for qualified medical treatment, it is a great resource for taking care of curiosity, nagging doubts and finding out if you need to seek medical help. The answers are helpful and in English, not medical jargon, and are based on medical fact and not moral judgements

No tech tips this month

Regular Network Event Schedule
Note: All times are Eastern US

Our heartfelt condolences and sympathy go out to IronHawk and his family on the passing of his beloved wife on March 15, 2000.

ONLY IN CANADA: (contributed by Amazing in Canada)

1. Only in Canada...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in Canada...do they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while the healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
3. Only in Canada...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
4. Only in Canada...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
5. Only in Canada...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
6. Only in Canada...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
7. Only in Canada...do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.
8. Only in Canada...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning bloodsucking creatures.

1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. You have 10 favourite recipies for moosemeat.
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. You've taken your kids trick or treating in a blizzard.
8. Driving is better in the winter cause the potholes are filled in with snow.
9. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons
10. You own more money on your snowmobile than your car.
11. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
12. At least twice a year the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
13. The most effective mosquito repellant is a shotgun.
14. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
15. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
16. You head south to go to your cottage.
17. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl your deck.
18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
19. The major parish fund raiser isn't bingo...it's sausage making.
20. You think -40C a little chilly.
21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deepfreeze.
22. You can play road hockey on skates.
23. You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter and Construction.
24. The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.
25. You understand the Labatt Blue
26. You perk up when you hear the theme from 'Hockey Night in Canada'
29. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends.

You won't believe the nuts she's met
But what she'd really like to know
Is Where are those who quilt and sew
And do the things she likes
She'd give them hints, and learn some too.

She used to be "scared" of a wee little mouse
Would scream if one ever got in the house.
Now she hugs one night and day
She'd rather cuddle it than stay
On the couch and watch T.V.
Her first love now is her P.C.

She'd like to see it all unfurled
So much to learn in this new world.
She could explore it from her chair
But mostly, she plays solitaire
But that's okay she doesn't care
About the weather in Zaire.

Windows were glass she'd wash and look through
Now they are programs to help us all view
The earth and the sea and the beautiful sky
A virus was something from which you could die
Now it's a nuisance that could spoil your day,
But it can be fixed and sent on it's way.

She served her time with diapers and dishes.
Now she can do whatever she wishes
And if that means staying up half the night
To point arrows at icons-that's really alright.

A bit was something you had little of.
Now it takes eight bytes to make the above
It's all so confusing, it makes her head ache.
A byte was something you take from a cake.
She's learning more about it now
Her four year old grandchild showed her how.

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