The StarLink-IRC NEWSLETTER
July 2000
"All the news that fits, we print"
22 MAY LIBRARY SUPPLEMENT - EVOLUTION
Vol 4, Issue 7
StarLink-IRC Newsletter
Published Occasionally
July 2000

StarLink-IRC Network - Your family friendly cybertown!
Editor-in-Chief - lois
Roving Reporter - Deano
New Stars by treecat
Event Reviews by Amazing
Fogweb Follies by Itsy
Subscribe!
and get your own copy every month!
Articles Wanted!
For Next Issue
Deadline:15th of the Month
Back Issues

Send any news items to newsletter@starlink-irc.org
Send any gossip or other dirt to the same place.

NET NEWS Amazing

General Information

For all who have webpages: Don't forget you can join the webring by going to www.starlink-irc.org or can ask questions concerning it in #WebRing :)

All channel owners: If you happen to change ISP's or have a change of email address please let someone in #channels know.
If for any reason cservice needs to get in touch with you in regards to your channel we need a valid email address. You can also let cservice know by sending an email to slirc-register@starlink-irc.org

Word Gamers: Great word game channels: #Trivia, #Scramble, and #WedNiteTriva.
As you enter #Trivia or #Scramble, a message comes up asking for new puzzles or trivia questions and where to send them. If you have any that you would like added, please check out the email addresses in each of these channels and send them in.

#International: StarLink-IRC is trying a grand experiment with #International. We hope to bring together folks from all nations and languages .. come join us for chat, good friends, and if you can volunteer to translate, all the better. Even a smattering of another language is welcomed! Leave your names with Channel Owner Wullie or one of the other regulars if we can call on you for help. ¡Muchos gracias!


LETTER TO THE EDITOR

THIS MONTH'S CELEBRATIONS - Let's party!
by lois
July
  • 14 Bastille Day
  • 15 Cow Appreciation Day
  • 15 Respect Canada Day
  • 20 Ugly Truck Day
  • 22 Ice Cream Cone Day
  • 26 Snuggles’s birthday (#chataway)
  • 27 Take Plant for a Walk
  • 28 Sys. Admin. Day
  • 29 Sher’s birthday (#just4fun)
  • 29 NASA's Anniversary
  • 30 Father-In-Law Day
  • 30 National Parent's Day

August

  • 2 Friendship Day
  • 2 Miss Crustacean USA
  • 4 U.S. Coast Guard Day
  • 6 Intl. Forgiveness Day
  • 6 Sisters’ Day
  • 7 abasham’s birthday (#just4fun)
  • 7 National Lighthouse Day
  • 8 ChatMaster (#clubhouse)
  • 11 Son's & Daughter's Day
  • 12-19 Truck Drivers' Week
  • 13 cyber’s birthday (#NF and #Idajo)
  • 15 Bassjerk’s birthday (#Just4fun)

SPECIALS

Belated birthday wishes to:

  • wildchild July 10th (#icehawk and #threeflames)
  • ^Thunder^ July 13th


(If we do not have your birthday or anniversry date, let us know so we can celebrate with you. Tell us which channels you are on, please)
HORRORSCOPE (a new feature for Jan 2000)
by Lois

July 23 - Aug 22 Leo

Ruled by the Sun: Symbol - The Lion

Notables: Napoleon Bonaparte, Fidel Castro, Alexandre Dumas, Carl Jung, Benito Mussolini, Mata Hari.

The head of the constellation Leo is outlined by stars shaped like a sickle. Thus, most are latent communists. Leos are full of self-confidence like the lion. They consider themselves to be Kings and/or Queens and expect to be treated as such.

amazing
AMAZING AND LESSER THINGS!
by Amazing
b

Color Show Schedule in #pop_art at 9pm EDT

  • July 22nd Theme is Johnny Mathis
  • July 29th Theme is Patsy Cline
  • Aug. 12th Dedicate pops
  • Join #pop_art on the dates and time shown and have a very enjoyable time
    thanks to ^Mystyk^ and Charmin^ :)
    DebA hosted a GREAT madgabs game in #Sunshine_Again on Fri. July 14th. Everyone had a wonderful time. She will be hosting another madgabs session on
    Aug. 11th in #Sunshine_Again at 9pm EDT.
    Mark it on your calendar and come and have a LOT of fun!!

    Lois is recovering from eye surgery but still found the time to put the newsletter together once again. Thanks lois!!! *hugs*

    CHANNEL CHATTER
    Tell us about your channel - send info to newsletter@starlink-irc.org
    #CANCER-CHAT
    Bel-foire has registered a channel for her mom, who has cancer. They invite anyone who has cancer or cancer information to join them there.

    #NORWICH
    Willco’s wife Lillian is in a nursing home in Shenandoah, Iowa now, and Willco does not have the long trip to Omaha to visit her. We all wish her well! Lois has just had her second cataract operation and eyes are doing well…especially the left eye which is back to 20/25 now, where the right one is 20/40. Busterc is still back and forth to the race tracks where we find cars built by him and his partner racing each weekend.
    #Norwich is a general chat channel, a family channel where anyone is welcome to drop in.
    WHO'S DOING WHAT?
    by lois and amazing

      w


    (Tell us what's happening on your channel - send info to newsletter@starlink-irc.org)

    FOGWEB FOLLIES
    A short column of made-up facts and non-information brought to you by your friendly neighborhood arachnid

    Your eager arachnid has been exploring the net during the dog .. cat.. days of summer in search of interesting stories... or even made up stufff. Also observed hanging around the #TownHall buffet has been the infamous Oyster Meringue Pie .. late of the buffet table and last seen molesting buicks out on I-70. Notice, if you are approached by a large pie, don't feed it. Throw something at it .. like maybe a boss or relative if you have one handy. Lawyers are best, but they put the pie in a bad mood.. something you dont want to see often.. ask NOLady (or, as we call her now, 'lefty').

    Your undedged round blue one has been sneaking around #BingoTelevision .. mainly because they give away money .. and you can use money to get food WITHOUT stealing it. (Whodathunkit?) More later after I win the bazillion dollar friday prize !!!

    Stay out of the sun and have a good summer!

    Itsy

    treecat
    NEW CHANNELS
    New Stars in our Link by Treecat ..
    A warm welcome to this month's new channels and their owners.
    If you have a chance, do stop in and give these folks a friendly Hi!
    • #nfn - Jad
    • #fsg-r&d - Raistlin
    • #Flea^s_Funhouse - fleagirl
    • #SilverLining - Jaydee
    • #TeenAdvice - Branden
    • #Tru - SaNd-MaNn
    • #Teenash - STING
    • #BingoTelevision - BingoHelp
    • #dip - shayd #tork - JohnTork
    • #depression - Rsen8
    • #starwish - Stardream
    • #RMBrats - DebiO
    • #50+Ocean-Breeze - DeDe
    TRAVEL
    Places to go on the net

    Places to Visit

    Leggs reports that her Web site won “Grand Site Award” for the Month of July by WebWatchers IRC, and did a very nice review on her site. You will find the award posted on the site. Congratulations, Leggs!


    Contributed by ellegon: 
    The Wacky Uses Site
    http://www.wackyuses.com

    TECH TALK
    Things to know

    No tech tips this month

    THE MEETING ROOM
    by Amazing
    COLOR SHOWS
      None scheduled

    TRIVIA!!: Running all the time in #Trivia and #Trivia-Pro with a junior version in #Kidzchat
    SCRAMBLE: The word game .. in #Scramble of course.
    OUTBURST: Occurs randomly (mostly Fridays) in #Just4Fun
    Hosted by somebody, this is a fun and exciting game you have to try.

    Regular Network Event Schedule
    Note: All times are Eastern US

    SUN
    9:30 PM
    #TownHall
    Network Wide User Meeting **
    MON
    9:00 PM
    #TownHall
    User Classes and Seminars as available
    TUE
     --:--
    --
    --
    WED
    -9:00 PM
    #WedNiteTrivia 
    Live TRIVIA .. spelling optional!
    THU
    8:00 PM
    9:30 PM
    10:00 PM
    #OldRadio
    #TownHall
    #MoonShadow
    Fans of Old Time Radio
    Network Wide User Meeting **
    Trivia!
    FRI
    9:00 PM
    #Just4Fun
    Now and then. Outburst Game! Fun for All
    SAT
    -:--
    --
    --

    Unpaid Advertisement

    NET MEETINGS:9:30pm EST Sun/Thu in #TownHall
    Hosted by Amazing, SL-IRC Net meetings are now held Sunday and Thursday nights, 9:30 ET in #TownHall. Everyone is invited to attend!
    Unpaid Advertisement
    RESERVE TOWNHALL FOR YOUR MEETING!
    #Townhall can be reserved for parties or meetings. Send an email to slirc-register@starlink-irc.org if you are interested in reserving the channel for an event. An email will be sent back, confirming the reservation. Put #townhall in the SUBJECT of the mail, and date, time and reason in the BODY.

    Yet Another Unpaid Advertisement!. there has to be some way to make a buck here

    IN MEMORIAM
    Those who have moveed on

    -

    THE LIBRARY
    contributed poems, humor, and stories

    TECH SUPPORT GIGGLES

    These are stories from help desks around the country.

    At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

    ----------------------------------------

      Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
      Customer: "Ok."
      Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
      Customer: "No."
      Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
      Customer: "No."
      Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
      Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
      Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
      Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

    ----------------------------------------

    One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I'm not going to read the book."

    ----------------------------------------

      Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
      Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

    ----------------------------------------

      Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery Disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer "No..."

      ----------------------------------------

      Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
      Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

    ----------------------------------------

      Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

      Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

      Customer: "I can't open the box." Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."

      Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

    ----------------------------------------

      Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
      Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A: \ and type 'dir'."
      Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
      Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."
      Customer: "OK." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
      Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place - it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"
      Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."
      Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
      Customer: "Well, yeah. Except my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?

    ----------------------------------------

    At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.

      Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
      Tech Support: "OK. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
      Customer: "What is that?"
      Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
      Customer: "OK. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

    ----------------------------------------

      And the best for last!!!!
      Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."
      Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
      Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
      Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
      Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
      Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
      Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
      Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
      Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
      Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"
      At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.
      Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
      Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
      Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"
      Silence.
      Tech Support: "Sir?"
      Customer: "Yes."
      Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
      Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer!"
      Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
      Customer: "Ummmm."
      Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
      Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
      Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you.
      Have a nice day.


    PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM

    Contributed by Scorp Of #Scorp’s Place

    • 1. Home is where you hang your @.
    • 2. The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
    • 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
    • 4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
    • 5. Great groups from little icons grow.
    • 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
    • 7. In some places, C:\ is the root of all directories.
    • 8. Oh, what a tangled Website we weave when first wepractice.
    • 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
    • 10. The modem is the message.
    • 11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
    • 12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
    • 13. Don't byte off more than you can view.
    • 14. Fax is stranger than fiction.
    • 15. What boots up must come down.
    • 16. Windows will never cease.
    • 17. Virtual reality is its own reward.
    • 18. Modulation in all things.
    • 19. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
    • 20. There's no place like your homepage.

    * * * * * * * * * * * *

    THE FIFTIES: Anony”mouse”

    The 1950's. Here are some quotes from people in the US during the 1950's.
    (1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its' going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."
    (2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5000 will only buy a used one."
    (3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
    (4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging dime just to mail a letter?"
    (5) "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."
    (6) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
    (7) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
    (8) "Kids today are impossible. Those ducktail haircuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."
    (9) "Also, their music drives me wild. This `Rock Around The Clock` thing is nothing but racket."
    (10) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying `damn` in `Gone With The Wind, `it seems every movie has a `hell` or `damn in it."
    (11) "Also, it won't be long until couples are sleeping in the same bed in the movies. What is this world coming to?"
    (12)."Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently there are no standards anymore."
    (13) "Pretty soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar."
    (14) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
    (15) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."
    (16) "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?"
    (17) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
    (18) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."
    (19) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
    (20) "Marriage doesn't mean a thing anymore, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
    (21) " I'll tell you one thing. If my kid ever talks back to me, they won't be able to sit down for a week."
    (22) "Did you know the new church in town is allowing women to wear slacks to their service?"
    (23) "Next thing you know is, the government will start paying us not to grow crops."
    (24) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."
    (25) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress."
    (26) "Why in the world would you want to send your daughter to college? Isn't she going to get married? It would be different if she could be a doctor or a lawyer."
    (27) "I just hate to see the young people smoking. As I tell my kids, "Don't take a cigarette from ANYONE. You never know what might be in it."
    (28) The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
    (29) "There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
    (30) "Anymore no one can afford to be sick, $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."
    (31) "If a few idiots want to risk their necks flying across the country that's fine, but nothing will ever replace trains."
    (32) "I don't know about you but if they raise the price of coffee to 15 cents, I'll just have to drink mine at home."
    (33) "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it. I'll have my wife learn to cut hair."
    (34) "We won't be going out much anymore. Our baby sitter informed us she wants 50 cents an hour. Kids think money grows on trees."
    (35) "Cars which dim their lights by sensors, automatic transmissions, and who knows what else? Pretty soon they will drive themselves."

    LAWN CARE

    Contributed by Deano

      An imaginary conversation between God and Saint Peter.

      "Peter, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistlles and ssturr I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vst garden of colors by now, but all I see are these green rectangles."

      "It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

      "Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's tempermental with temperatures. Do-these Suburbanites really wnat all that grass growing there?"

      "Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in their lawn.

      "The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."

      "Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.?"

      "They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?"

      "Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it and put it in bags."

      "They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"

      "No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."

      "Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it grows, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"

      "Yes, sir."

      "Thesse Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer then we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work."

      'You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stokps growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it." "

      What nonsense! At least they kept some to the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil to protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It' a natural cycle of life."

      "You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away."

      "No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moinst and loose?"

      "After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."

      "And where do they get this mulch?"

      "They cut down trees and grind them up."

      "Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.


    HANDS ACROSS THE MILES

    Contributed by Amazing

    My hands are always reaching,
    Far across the miles.
    To unseen friends so far away,
    They help to bring a smile.

    I may never get to see them,
    But their friendship is so real.
    Just as if they were beside me,
    How good they make me feel.

    For friendships know no distance.
    The miles do not exist.
    For they are in my heart forever,
    Some things one can't resist.

    I reach out with thoughts often,
    Towards those friends unseen.
    Wish things could be so different,
    With no distance in between.

    How I wish to simply see them,
    To give a welcoming embrace.
    And pledge friendship in person,
    Is the dream I seem to chase.

    So to all the on-line friends out there,
    Reach hands across the miles.
    And you will be rewarded,
    With everlasting smiles.

    written by Eddie Gallo


    Lois
    -30-
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