Webring: For all who have webpages check www.starlink-irc.org/webring.html

Email Updates: All channel owners: If you happen to change ISP's or have a change of email address please let someone in #Channels know. If for any reason cservice needs to get in touch with you about your channel, we need a valid email address. You can let cservice know by sending an email to slirc-register@starlink-irc.org

Word Games:  Live trivia at various times and places throughout the week.

#International: We hope to bring together folks from all nations and languages .. come join us for chat, good friends, and if you can volunteer to translate, all the better. Even a smattering of another language is welcomed! Leave your names with Channel Owner Wullie or one of the other regulars if we can call on you for help. ¡Muchos gracias

WWW (Way With Words): Have you tried to come up with the perfect verse, greeting or message when sending a card, and your mind draws a blank? If you have some favorites, send them to Pat@pobox.com.

• 20 HighWayMan's birthday (#SomeR50)
• 20 Spring Equinox
• 25 Plucky's birthday (#KrispyCreamDonuts)
• 28 OldMan birthday (#Norwich)
• 28 MtnMom's anniversary (#50&Fantastic)

April

• Ed^ s birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 2 Chiefwo4's anniversary (#50&Fantastic)
• 6 Ding-Bat's birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 13 Feisty^1's birthday (#50&Fantastic) 1
• 5 Easter 16 BusterC's birthday (#das_boot, IRCOp)
• 16 Char's birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 17 Chipshot's birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 18 Pen's birthday (#40&Fantastic)
• 19 Sweetpea's birthday (#40&Fantastic)
• 20 Blair-m's anniversary (#40&Fantastic)
• 20 Kitten's birthday (#40&Fantastic)
• 20 LiL'a birthday (#40&Fantastic)
• 20 Northie's birthday (#40&Fantastic)
• 21 Helenn's birthday (#40&Fantastic)

• Planet : Mars
• Gemstone: Diamond
• March Birthstone: Bloodstone or Aquamarine
• April Birthstone: Diamond
• Flowers: Lily, violet
• Lucky Star: Mars
• Lucky Day. Tuesday
• Lucky Color: Red
• Lucky Numbers 1,2

You are enthusiastic, ambitious, and determined, with a heart for success and a head for business. Although you are quite methodical in the plans you design to overcome obstacles, you also have a strong artistic streak and a love for all things beautiful which is no less persuasive. People respect you for your honesty, generosity, and original abilities, and these will take you far so long as you dedicate them to the pursuit of good deeds. Aries often become artists, architects, or writers, and are important participants in public affairs. They like to travel and are always on the lookout for a new adventure.

*Travel ad inserted by IMI Travel and Money Laundering, Inc.

AMAZING AND LESSER THINGS! by Amazing

Are housework and chores keeping you away from the internet? Here are some sure fire short cuts that will have you back online in no time!

• Cleaning the bathroom: Simply close the lid of the toilet. Close the shower door or curtain. For the illusion of a friendly cleanded bath, pour some Lysol in the trash can. That should hold you until you finally get someone to empty the trash. And....then send the kids outside to the ol' wash tub.
• Laundry: Find a good place to hide it! Turn your clothes inside out and the will last another week. For odors...spray with cologne. If you absolutely need to do it, like you have no underwear (heck who needs underwear) wash them then stick them in the dryer. When it is time to fold them, DON'T! Just run the dryer to get out the wrinkles when you need fresh clothes.
• Vacuuming: Call up a salesman for a vacuuming demonstration. Have him show you how the vauum works in all parts of the house. Insist that even though the carpet looks the same, it really is different in all parts of the house. Some valuable tips for success: Don't always call the same company, keep a chart and rotate. If there are any stubborn spots that require scrubbing recruit the cat. You may have to add some tuna water to spot in order to insure a thorough job. It's about time they earned their keep!
• Wash the car: NAH! Move it into the garage. Heck, you don't use it anyway. It's not like anyone is going to see you drive it!
• Doing dishes: If it doesn't come off in the dishwasher, call grandpa to come help. He's always willing to do anything for you. For really stubborn crud, just throw the dish out and start fresh. An even better idea, use paper plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, etc. Write everyone's name on the plate or cup so they can use it over n' over n' over.
• Mowing the lawn: Mowing problems solved! Raise goats for some extra income. Set them loose in the yard and they will keep the grass trimmed nice and neat. Plus they'll eat any of the debris that gets in the yard. Sell them in the winter, then you can start with a new bunch in the spring.

• LOG ON: Making a wood stove hot
• LOG OFF: Too much wood on fire
• MONITOR: Keep'n an eye on the wood stove
• DOWN LOAD: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck
• MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
• FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood
• RAM: That thar thang what splits the farwood H
• ARD DRIVE: Gitten home in the winter time
• WINDOWS: Whut to shut when its cold outside
• SCREEN: Whut to shut when its black fly season
• BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do
• CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
• MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
• MODEM: Whatcha do to the hay fields
• DOT MATRIX: Ole Dan Matrix's wife
• LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps
• KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys
• SOFTWARE: Dem dang plastic forks and knifes
• MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
• MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives
• MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof
• PORT: Fancy flatlander wine
• ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all" CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock yer gun
• DOUBLE CLICK: When you cock the double barrel REBOOT: Whut you have to do right before bedtime when you have to go to the outhouse

From MistyBlue (#Chataway, #40Something, #Celtic_Corner)

Mardi Gras has just passed the end of February. Several of our starlink-irc family have gotten together again this year, many from previous years, and a few new people this year. Gngrbrd and MistyBlue made there first trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2001 and have put together a web page for all there friends and loved ones to share in their wonderful memories of the week click here to share the week they spent in New Orleans Please sign the guestbook and tell us what you thought. And remember its Never too early to start planning for 2002!!!

A short column of made-up facts and non-information brought to you by your friendly neighborhood arachnid

FOGWEB FOLLIES

So here it is another Ides of March! (Where, 2045 years ago, Julie the C browsed thru his calendar for 44 BC and noticed it was blank for 43 BC .. that should have been his first hint!)

For those with stock in IMI, the current stock market crash is not my fault. I think we should all get together and blame it on Canada!! Or Bill Clinton. Or Hillary. Or all of the above! (always my favorite)

There is a rumor that chiefy had a birthday a day or two ago. The best thing to do is for everyone to message him a few dozen times a night at random. He really would appreciate that. Honest. Really. Trust Me. (Psst .. don't tell him you read it here)

Til the next April Fools day - have a happy rabbit season!

NEW CHANNELS New Stars Linked by Treecat .. A warm welcome to this month's new channels and their owners. If you have a chance, do stop in and give these folks a friendly Hi!

• #Princess^Bride^FanClub - Buttercup
• #rml - Commish
• #Free4all - FreeBird
• #KansasCity - DeepE
• #wastelands - Leonhart
• #Thunder_Hill_Stables - Reanna
• #mixspelld - tich
• #JAG - BenLeyton
• #Snake^Pit - mongoose
• #RainbowBrite - Rainbow
• #AFriendlyQuiz - ]Pippa
• #prosound - Soundman
• #USS-Geronimo - Sootz

If you haven't been there, check zonelabs.com and get Zone Alarm ..

It's worth the trip!

Tip for using the /whois command on irc.

Problem: sometimes when you do a /whois nickname, you can see the person's idle time, but other times you dont see it. This happens because the /whois only shows the idle time for other users that are on the same server that you are connected to. Now, you could reconnect to a different server to see a particular users idle time, but there is a much easier way.

Solution: The next time you do a /whois - try this, /whois - nickname nickname. The server reply should now show the idle time for this nickname on any server.

To make this easy in MIRC, open the nicknames popups and find these lines;

mIRC Default Settings
.UCentral:/uwho $1
.Whois:/whois $$1
.Query:/query $$1

Change the 3rd. line to read like this,

mIRC Default Settings
.UCentral:/uwho $1
.Whois:/whois $$1 $$1
.Query:/query $$1

Now when you use the mIRC /whois popup you'll see the idletime for any nick that you highlight in a channel.

Wullie

(Next Month's Tech Tip: Does your computer have Alzheimer's, and is losing memory?)

Other Random but Fun Events: #Just4Fun (OUTBURST); #Sunshine_Again ( MADGABS)

· * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

For once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too.----
WARRANTY REGISTRATION CARD
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnel Douglas (MDD) military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. Title: [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other First Name:
Initial: .. Last Name ......... Password: ..... (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ........... Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ............

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../....... /......

4. Serial Number:...............
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased: [_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalogue / showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the MD product you have just purchased: [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this MDD product: [_] Style /appearance [_] Speed / maneuverability [_] Price / value [_] Comfort /convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Back-room politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used: [_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Classified [_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: [_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply): [_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your MDD product? [_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation: [_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant or Parent [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: [_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running / jogging [_] Propaganda / misinformation [_] Destabilization / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture [ ] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage / reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division.

IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the Kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing.

Have you tried to come up with the perfect verse, greeting or message when sending a card, and your mind draws a blank? If you have some favorites, send them to Pat@pobox.com.

Contributors: Please eliminate the forwarding marks (> > >) from your articles before sending them.

In the message body put:

SUBSCRIBE slirc-mail <yourEmail> yourIRCnick

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