The StarLink-IRC NEWSLETTER
July 2001
"All the news that fits, we print"
Vol 5, Issue 7
StarLink-IRC Newsletter
Published Occasionally
July 2001

StarLink-IRC Network - Your family friendly cybertown!
Editor-in-Chief - lois
Web Version Layout - Itsy

New Stars by treecat
Event Reviews by Amazing
Fogweb Follies by Itsy
Subscribe!
and get your own copy every month!
Articles Wanted!
For Next Issue
Deadline:15th of the Month
Back Issues

Send any news items to newsletter@starlink-irc.org
Send any gossip or other dirt to the same place.
Contributors: Please eliminate the forwarding marks (> > >) from your articles!!
Change of Address: For newsletter ONLY send info to Sinbad@StarLink-IRC.org

NET NEWS

Nothing speicial this month.


General Information

Security: TriStar and the new security service: www.starlink-irc.org/security/

Webring: For all who have webpages check www.starlink-irc.org/webring.html

Email Updates: All channel owners: If you happen to change ISP's change of email address please let someone in #Channels know. If for any reason cservice needs to get in touch with you about your channel, we need a valid email address. You can let cservice know by sending an email to slirc-register@starlink-irc.org

Word Games:  Live trivia at various times and places throughout the week.

#International: We hope to bring together folks from all nations and languages .. come join us for chat, good friends, and if you can volunteer to translate, all the better. Even a smattering of another language is welcomed! Leave your names with Channel Owner Wullie or one of the other regulars if we can call on you for help. ¡Muchos gracias

WWW (Way With Words): Have you tried to come up with the perfect verse, greeting or message when sending a card, and your mind draws a blank? If you have some favorites, send them to Pat@pobox.com.


LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Comments? Remarks? Send them to Lois and if they're nice, she might put them here.
Nothing this month.
THIS MONTH'S CELEBRATIONS - Let's party!
by lois
    July
    • July 20 Ugly Truck Day
    • 27 twomama’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 27 Take a Plant for a Walk Day
    • 29 National Parents’ Day
    • 30 MtnMan’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 30 Father-In-Law Day

    August

    • 01 Babbas’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 02 tricia^’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 02 Friendship Day 04 Full Moon Day
    • 04 U. S. Coast Guard Day 05 Sisters’ Day
    • 05 Int’l Forgiveness Day
    • 05 sassygal’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 06 barb-j’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 07 nukedawg’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 08 Chatmaster’s birthday
    • 08 Sneak Zucchini Day (put your excess zucchini on your neighbor’s porch after dark)
    • 08 Senior Citizens’ Day
    • 11 Sons’ and Daughters’ Day
    • 12 Poledra’s anniversary (#50&fantastic)
    • 15 Uni’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 18 Mr-J’s birthday (#50&fantastic)
    • 20 Bernie’s anniversary (#50&fantastic)
    • 20 Stormy’s birthday (#50&fantastic)

    Correction: ^peaches^’s birthday was on the 6th of July


(If we do not have your birthday or anniversry date, let us know so we can celebrate with you. Tell us which channels you are on, please)
HORRORSCOPE
Read About Your Birthday Tree
by Lois

July 23 - August 22 CLeo the Lion

    • Ruled by the Sun
    • Element: FIre

    Seeking the ultimate birthday gift for a Leo? If you can wrap up fame or tie a bow around the spotlight, you’re set! Since fame’s not really for sale, this Fire Sign will accept a big boisterous surprise party at which they get to be the absolute center of attention. Leo may be grand, but this Sign is actually easy to please ­ as long as all eyes are on them! On the other hand - Leos are generous, loyal, lively.

Famous Leos: Woody Harrelson, Monica Lewinsky, Dorothy Hamill, Mick Jagger, Elizabeth Dole, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Yves Saint Laurent, Steve Martin, Martin Sheen, Martha Stewart, Dustin Hoffman, Melanie Griffith, Whitney Houston, Hulk Hogan, George Hamilton, Julie Newmar, Magic Johnson, Danielle Steel, Kathie Lee Gifford, Madonna, Robert DeNiro, Sean Penn, Robert Redford, Bill Clinton, Connie Chung, Isaac Hayes, Kenny Rogers, Norman Schwarzkopf.

amazing
AMAZING AND LESSER THINGS!
by Amazing

    Thanks to Blu_Star for putting up the beautiful webpage so everyone could sign it for willco. If you haven't done so already and would like to sign it the address is http: //www.budget.net/~kidlets/willco.html


    Thanks to {cryssy} for putting on a tribute for July 4th in #Townhall. It was done on very short notice but lots of users showed up to enjoy the wonderful show.
    Thanks to everyone of you for making StarLink-IRC the wonderful family network that it is!!
    Summer is here and many will be taking vacations. PLEASE drive safely, be careful and have a super holiday.


Heaven On-Line

    There's a land where I go when I need to share.
    That's not on a map, yet exists everywhere.
    A land without faces. A curious place
    A modern creation thats called cyber-space.
    There's all sorts of people with cute little names
    Like Pookie and Sandman and Rosebud and Flames.

    Some are just snobs and some are real fun.
    And some just want to find someone.
    But both good and bad they all play a role.
    Still each one unique, but part of the whole.
    We talk and laugh and wonder why
    We flirt and hug and sometimes cry.

    We can't be heard and can't be seen.
    Yet, there it is, right on our screen.
    But all in all the most curious part
    Is the power it has to open our heart.
    To share with a stranger those things we've concealed.
    Which to our closest of friends we'd never reveal.

    Our most deepest regrets and troubling fears.
    The scars in our life which bring us to tears.
    What gives them the power to reach into me.
    And show me the truths that I never see.
    How do they manage to open my eyes.
    And make me confess the deceit and lies.

    I don't understand this magical spell.
    But I know that without it my life would be hell.
    This must have been planned by God up above.
    Cause theres no place on earth you'll find so much love.
    When I need direction I know I can find
    An angel from heaven just waiting on-line.

    -Unknown.


Reminder: As some of you might know, there are other nets out there with the word 'starlink' in them. When telling your friends about what net you chat on -- PLEASE make sure you say StarLink-IRC.Org. And don't forget There is a 'quicklist' of servers at http://www.starlink-irc.org/serverlist.html

CHANNEL CHATTER
Tell us about your channel - send info to newsletter@starlink-irc.org
#OLDRADIO
Join OTR (Old Time Radio) Chat on Thursdays, 8pm EDT. Meet actors, soundmen from the "golden days of radio", and others with the same interest. Over four years at this site
Lois is taking a hiatus from the radio station for three weeks while she and her daughter tortuga visit Australia. They are hoping to meet robbo of #50&fantastic, who lives in Melbourne, for a bottle of Aussie brew. OldRadio Ops Charlie and Old-Timer will conduct the Thursday 8 pm meetings (ET) for those who are interested in the shows of the “golden days” of radio.

#BRAINIACS
oACRO, our adult only (21 yrs or older) game is going to be changed to Tuesday nights beginning at 8pm EST. We will now only run 1 game and expect the game to run for an hour. This will free up our time to work on a windows version of the bot. :)
Right now, our schedule for the next few months is as follows: July 10 - 8-9 pm (Cancelled due to severe weather) July 17 - 8-9 pm July 24 - Cancelled July 31 - Cancelled Aug 7 - 8-9 pm Aug 14 - 8-9 pm Aug 21 - 8-9 pm Aug 28 - Cancelled

#50&FANTASTIC
Lady Jaye of #50&Fantastic announces that she has added another page to her site

Roving Reporter Lois Lane’s recommendations for enjoyable chatting: Late Afternoon/Early Evening (depending on where you live): #Classics Late Evening/Early Morning (depending) #50&Fantastic

WHO'S DOING WHAT?

Nothing thrilling this month.


(Tell us what's happening on your channel - send info to newsletter@starlink-irc.org)

FOGWEB FOLLIES
A short column of made-up facts and non-information brought to you by your friendly neighborhood arachnidspider

    Here we are in the last of the girl months (April, May, June and Julie) .. We have learned that Maze's Mafia (aka the Canadian Conspiracy) has managed to return from its trip to the far north. Surprisingly, there have been very few restraining orders or warrants issued .. and they've been back for weeks. They all went north so they could send email to each thru an ISP other 400 miles away while they were all sitting in the same room... Technology.. gotta love it!

    Your intrepid spider has learned that Scorp will be giving lessons in scorptalk someday soon. This will be appreciated both by the canadian mafia and those who happen to drift in during a session of sign language on IRC -- our latest educational thread!

    There was something about snakes with Ameret's snake, Gareeth's rat, and Wildchild and another snake, but i think it was disgusting so i forgot it. (Probably a Good Thing).

Stay tuned, next month is bound to be more fun than Julie !

Itsy

treecat
NEW CHANNELS
New Stars Linked by Treecat ..
A warm welcome to this month's new channels and their owners.
If you have a chance, do stop in and give these folks a friendly Hi!
    • #Script_Tester - HeavyMetal
    • #anglicans - RECman
    • #Disable/Handicap - TweetyBird
    • #PHS - Shiver
    • #cyberchat - Porsche#
TRAVEL
Places to go on the net
TECH TALK
Things to know
THE MEETING ROOM
by Amazing

All Times EST

No Special Meetings This Month


Regular Network Event Schedule
Note: All times are Eastern US
SUN
9:30 PM
#TownHall
Net-Wide User Meeting **
MON
 9:00 PM
--
--
TUE
 --:--
--
--
WED
 9:00 PM
#WedNiteTrivia 
Live TRIVIA (18+) .. spelling optional!
THU
 8:00 PM
 9:30 PM
10:00 PM
#OldRadio
#TownHall
#MoonShadow
Fans of Old Time Radio
Net-Wide User Meeting **
Trivia!
FRI
8:00 PM 
9:00 PM
#Islander
#Just4Fun
Live Trivia!
Now and then. Outburst Game! Fun for All
SAT
8:30 PM
#Kidzchat
Kids Trivia

Other Random but Fun Events: #Just4Fun (OUTBURST); #Sunshine_Again ( MADGABS)

RESERVE TOWNHALL FOR YOUR MEETING!
#Townhall can be reserved for parties or meetings. Send an email to slirc-register@starlink-irc.org if you are interested in reserving the channel for an event. An email will be sent back, confirming the reservation. Put #townhall in the SUBJECT of the mail, and date, time and reason in the BODY.

Yet Another Unpaid Advertisement!. there has to be some way to make a buck here

IN MEMORIAM
Those who have moveed on
    Our deepest sympathies to willco
    on the loss of Lillian
    his beloved wife of 53 years
who passed away on Saturday, July 7th
Jaye (#50&fantastic)
THE LIBRARY
contributed poems, humor, and stories

TECHNICAL SUPPORT

Contributed by Jaye of #50&fantastic (who must not be a blonde)

PROBLEM #1

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ...(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "OK, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

PROBLEM #2

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No..."
(BR)...She MUST be Blonde.

PROBLEM #3:

Tech Support: "OK, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
(BR)...Another Blonde?? Probably has the Psychic Hot-Line on Speed Dial...

PROBLEM #4

Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box."
Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
Customer: "Uhhhh...OK, thanks...."
(BR)...Oh no! A Blonde Guy...

PROBLEM #5

Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it is saying is 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "OK, check the directory of the A:drive - go to A:/ and type 'dir'."
Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."
Customer: "OK," (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"
Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key ...does that matter? (BR)...The world is full of Blondes...

PROBLEM #6

..At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
    Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
    Tech Support: "OK. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
    Customer: "What is that?"
    Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
    Customer: "OK. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar...."

(BR)...Well, at least this Blonde can read...sort-of.

PROBLEM #7

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk and now my A: drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A:drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?" ... At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen.
Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A:drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"
Silence. < < <
Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use the computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and pry and rip the disk out?"
Customer: "Ummmm."
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

(Dedicated to Alien at Gateway Tech Support)


    How Many Can You Answer?

    1. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways?
    2. Before he was Mohammed Ali, he was…..
    3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, We have met the enemy and…
    4. Good night, David.
    5. You’ll wonder where the yellow went,
    6. Before he was the Skipper’s little buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie’s friend…
    7. Liar, liar….
    8. Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and….
    9. Lions and Tigers and Bears,
    10. Hey kids, what time is it?
    11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone…
    12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women’s stockings
    13. Brylcream
    14. I found my thrill….
    15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by…
    16. Name the Beatles!
    17. I wonder, wonder, wonder…wonder who;
    18. I’m strong to the finish…
    19. When it’s least expected you’re elected. You’re the star today…
    20. What do M&M’s do?

(Answers Below- Highlight with the mouse to view)

    Answers to: How Many Can You Answer? 1. Wonder Bread 2. Cassius Clay 3. he is us 4. Good night, Chet. 5. when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 6. Maynard G. Krebs 7. pants on fire 8. the American way 9. Oh, my 10. It’s Howdy Doody Time! 11. over 30 12. Joe Namath 13. A little dab’ll do ya 14. On Blueberry Hill 15. Mary Martin 16. John, Paul, George, Ringo 17. who wrote the book of love 18. cause I eats me spinach 19. Smile! You’re on Candid Camera 20. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.


    Dear Lord

    Contributed by Ellie of #Scorp’s Place and #Itsy

    Every single evening As I'm lying here in bed This tiny little prayer Keeps running through my head.

    God bless my mom and dad, And other family. Keep them warm and safe from harm For they're so close to me.

    And God, there is one more thing I wish that you could do. Hope you don't mind me asking,

    Bless my computer too.

    Now I know that it's not normal To bless a mother board, But listen just a second While I explain to you 'My Lord'. You see, that little metal box Holds more than odds & ends Inside those small compartments Rest so many of my FRIENDS. I know so much about them By the kindness that they give And this little scrap of metal Takes me in to where they live.

    By faith is how I know them Much the same as you

    We share in what life brings us And from that our friendship grew. Please, take an extra minute From your duties up above To bless those in my address book That's filled with so much love! Wherever else this prayer may reach To each and every friend, Bless each email in box And the person to whom its sent. When you update your heavenly list On your own CD-Rom Remember each who've said this prayer Sent up to God.com. Amen.


HOW TO SING THE BLUES . . . A PRIMER

Contributed by Itsy
From Fred Langa's newsletter

1) Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

2) "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3) The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4) The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.

5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6) Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9) You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10) Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the Blues: a) Dillard's; b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses

11) No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12) Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You older than dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can't be satisfied. No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.

13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast.

15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16) Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling

17) Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie

18) Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19) Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.); d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20) I don't care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.


WWW (Way With Words) By Scorp

Have you tried to come up with the perfect verse, greeting or message when sending a card, and your mind draws a blank? If you have some favorites, send them to Pat@pobox.com.

ANNIVERSARY

To my grandma and grandpa - I know why you're so good at being married...
You've been practicing for a long time!
Happy Anniversary!

.
Lois
-30-
NEWSLETTER SUBSCRIPTIONS: FREE!
Send mail to majordomo@starlink-irc.org

In the message body put:

SUBSCRIBE slirc-mail <yourEmail> yourIRCnick

For Example:

    SUBSCRIBE slirc-mail <itsy@starlink-irc.org> Itsy

Please note, you MUST put angle brackets < > around your email address as shown. If you need help, or wonder if you have already subscribed, contact Sinbad in #channels. Click here for more information on our other mailing lists.

Change of Address for the newsletter: Send info to Sinbad@StarLink-IRC.org

Note: Your email address is ONLY used for the SL-IRC user mailing list (which is how we distribute the monthly newsletter) and is not for sale or other redistribution. SL-IRC strongly opposes unsolicited email (spam). As a rule, the general mailing list gets from one up to as many as 10 postings a month, although it's usually closer to 1 than 10 unless there are major happenings on the net that month.

BACK ISSUES: Last month's back issue is here.

Copyright 2001 StarLink-IRC.org All Rights Reserved.