Security: Anyone wondering about TriStar and the new security services, take a look at www.starlink-irc.org/security/

Webring: For all who have webpages check www.starlink-irc.org/webring.html

Email Updates: All channel owners: If you happen to change ISP's or have a change of email address please let someone in #Channels know. If for any reason cservice needs to get in touch with you about your channel, we need a valid email address. You can let cservice know by sending an email to slirc-register@starlink-irc.org

Word Games:  Live trivia at various times and places throughout the week.

#International: We hope to bring together folks from all nations and languages .. come join us for chat, good friends, and if you can volunteer to translate, all the better. Even a smattering of another language is welcomed! Leave your names with Channel Owner Wullie or one of the other regulars if we can call on you for help. ¡Muchos gracias

WWW (Way With Words): Have you tried to come up with the perfect verse, greeting or message when sending a card, and your mind draws a blank? If you have some favorites, send them to Pat@pobox.com.

• April 20 Helenn's birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 20 Kitten881's birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 20 Lil's birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 20 Northie's birthday (#50&Fantastic)
• 20 Blair-m's anniversary (#50&Fantastic)
• 20 Helenn's anniversary (#50&Fantastic)
• 22 Earth Day (Take an earthworm to lunch!)
• 22 Lt. ED (#cops)
• 26 Hug an Australian Day
• 27 Arbor Day (Plant a Tree)
• 28 Kiss Your Mate Day
• 30 Hair Stylist Day

May

• 1 May Day
• 1 Lei Day
• 2 Brothers and Sisters' Day
• 5 Cinco de Mayo
• 6 Full Moon
• 13 Mothers' Day 16 Busterc and Tissy's anniversary (IRC Op)
• 6-12 Nurses' Day/Week
• 6-12 Teacher Appreciation Week

• Planet: Mars
• Gemstone: Emerald
• Birthstone: Diamond/Emerald
• Flowers: Lily, lilac
• Lucky Star: Venus
• Lucky Day: Friday
• Lucky Color: Green
• Lucky Numbers 3,9

You are strong, persistent, and patient, harboring a fierce loyalty towards those you love most. You dedicated a good deal of time to family and are constant in most relationships. Although you have a tendency to become set in your ways, you learn from every experience and never stray from a task you have started until you finish it. Taureans often become teachers and leaders in business because they are naturals at providing guidance and creating order. Because of their warm-hearted nature they are successful in marriage and have a particular fondness for children. Taureans are avid athletes and enjoy spending time outdoors.

*Travel ad inserted by IMI Travel and Money Laundering, Inc.

AMAZING AND LESSER THINGS! by Amazing

There's a world beyond our every day
A STAR that's LINKed to the Milky Way.
We gather there in cyber space
To chat on IRC in our special place.

Friendships are formed, with laughter and tears,
Bonds that will last on through the years.
Come and chat with our family -
We welcome you on StarLink-IRC!

You'll meet folks from around the globe
With many talents and interests to probe.
There is lots of fun and games to play
And great art shows that will make your day.

There is always something to do and someone to see
And, regardless what Itsy says, it is all free..
On StarLink-IRC - your friendly, family net -
The very best you will ever find, I bet!

For anyone who has any questions regarding Tristar (Security Check) please go to http://www.starlink-irc.org/security/checkin.html There is some very good information there.

From MistyBlue (#Chataway, #40Something, #Celtic_Corner)

Mardi Gras has just passed the end of February. Several of our starlink-irc family have gotten together again this year, many from previous years, and a few new people this year. Gngrbrd and MistyBlue made there first trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2001 and have put together a web page for all there friends and loved ones to share in their wonderful memories of the week click here to share the week they spent in New Orleans Please sign the guestbook and tell us what you thought. And remember its Never too early to start planning for 2002!!!

A short column of made-up facts and non-information brought to you by your friendly neighborhood arachnid

FOGWEB FOLLIES

ell here it is tax time again .. and while YOU think you have it rough, you COULD be in Canada. The Hole-In-The-Wall-Gang aka treecat, amazing, and scorp have been terrorizing retail establishments throughout Vancouver all week.

Between scorp destroying monitors, tree gettting caught by the alarms, and maze playing border collie .. its mayhem afoot in the land of igloos and rain.

This on the heels of our own amazing channel registrar whose face is on bulletin boards throughout the northwest for being mean to furniture salesmen.

Aren't you glad you dont live there?

Hey, I'm only 3000 miles away which isnt NEAR far enough!

PS Time to pay taxes.. why are you reading this instead?

NEW CHANNELS New Stars Linked by Treecat .. A warm welcome to this month's new channels and their owners. If you have a chance, do stop in and give these folks a friendly Hi!

• #USS-Lexington - CaptWaugh
• #1NewHome - Foghorn_
• #mIRCHelp - DuKeCuPiD
• #Matrix - Dakyne
• #GeneralChat - IronEagle
• #DylanThomas - Majandra
• #My^Garden - zooey
• #50+Opinionated - _old_Huey
• #Paradise - Kitana
• #Popup^Palace - kiera
• #zurna - Redsun
• #Homeschooling - bigbit
• #genealogy - BCDon
• #valhalla_coven - Malachi
• #30something - turbo
• #Section31 - germ
• #smokes_domain - Smoke

This is not the only Web site dedicated to optical illusions, but it is probably the best, both in the number of illusions, and the explanations. They go into depth on the physiology and psychology of optical illusions, explaining all the well-known ones, and some that you may have never seen anywhere else.

New Windows users may not be aware of this, but advanced users know this problem. After extended use of Windows, your free system resource memory decreases over time, even if you haven't run any programs! To prove this, we launched a fairly full-featured, best-selling brand PC with Windows 98, and then monitored system resource memory over several 24-hour test periods. For example, on one occasion Windows reported having 84% free system memory directly after startup, but 24 hours later, it was down to 46%. Obviously, there was a memory leak: it could have been in Windows, in some of our apps, or both. For those who've never heard about a the memory-leak problem, here's the scoop. Windows applications, drivers, and utilities, as well as other software - authored both by Microsoft and third parties - grab memory when they start up. The problem starts when they fail to release it when they exit.

When this occurs, it can lead to your computer system's resources becoming so low that your PC becomes unstable and/or unusable. One way to recover from this memory problem s to restart your PC and Windows. (There are others which require third party memory recovery utilities, but they are never 100% reliable). We were able to determine several hypothetical reasons why our system resource memory deteriorated, even when not being used and with no applications running. For example, if you launch a program and abruptly quit the application before it has completely started, you will lose system resource memory.

In fact, here are few things we learned from our tests:

a) Poorly written commercial screen savers accessed memory during operation. When the screen saver was stopped, system resource memory did not recover.

b) Our anti-virus software was in active detection mode and launched several times during the 24-hour tests to check for viruses in memory, the root directories, and on hard disks. It then proceeded to scan for any new files installed or downloaded. Each 24 hours of a-v activity resulted in a drop of 25% in system memory, without any other applications being run.

c) Websites with java applets can cause problems no matter whether you're using Netscape, AOL 5/6, or Internet Explorer. Find a website that requires a large Java applet to be downloaded and executed automatically, and then allow your browser to remain on that site for an extended period of time. Then, exit out of your browser. You'll find your system memory resources reduced and unrecoverable. More than half of the java application websites we tested produced this result.

Other Random but Fun Events: #Just4Fun (OUTBURST); #Sunshine_Again ( MADGABS)

EXPRESSIONS FOR WOMEN ON HIGH STRESS DAYS Contributed by Leighaa

1. You ... Off my planet!
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
5. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
6. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
7. Allow me to introduce my selves.
8. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
9. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
10. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
11. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
12. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
13. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
14. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
15. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
16. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
17. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
18. Chaos, panic & disorder! My work here is done.
19. Earth is full. Go home.
20. Is it time for your medication or mine?
21. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
22. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

• ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
• THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
• FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
• FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
• SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?
• SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• EIGHT- Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
• TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
• ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause . . . kids.
• TWELVE- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• THIRTEEN- Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
• FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
• FIFTEEN- When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
• SIXTEEN- It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
• SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
• NINETEEN- UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT AND DOUBT IF YOU CAN EITHER.

The last few weeks have seen many mergers and anticipating them could mean excellent market gains. Just recently, American Airlines and TWA announced they will merge. Because you are an astute stock marketer, you are receiving these tips on likely mergers so you can be ready...

1. XEROX and WURLITZER (They're going to make reproductive organs)
2. FAIRCHILD ELECTRONICS and HONEYWELL COMPUTERS (The new company will be called Fairwell Honeychild)
3. POLYGRAM RECORDS, WARNER BROTHERS and KEEBLER (The new company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker)
4. W.R.GRACE CO., FULLER BRUSH CO., MARY KAY COSMETICS, and HALE BUSINESS SYSTEMS (The company will be called Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace)
5. 3M and GOODYEAR (MMM Good)
6. JOHN DEERE and ABITIBI-PRICE (Deere Abi)
7. HONEYWELL, IMASCO and HOME OIL (Honey, I'm Home)
8. DENISON MINES, ALLIANCE and METAL MINING (Mine All Mine)
9. 3M, JC PENNEY and THE METROPOLITAN OPERA COMPANY (3 Penney Opera)
10. GREY POUPON and DOCKERS PANTS (Poupon Pants)
11. KNOTT'S BERRY FARM and THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR WOMEN (The new company will be called Knott Now)
12. ZIPPO MANUFACTURING, AUDI, DOFASCO and DAKOTA MINING (The new company will be called Zip Audi Do-Da)

• If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
• When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
• Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person that drives a race car not called a racist?
• Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
• "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call the resulting company Fed UP?
• Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
• What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

If Earth's population was shrunk into a village of just 100 people—with all the human ratios existing in the word still remaining—what would this tiny, diverse village look like? That's exactly what Phillip M. Hartner, a medical doctor at Stanford University school of Medicine, attempted to figure out. This is what he found.

57 would be Asian
21 would be European
14 would be from the Western Hemisphere
 8 would be African

52 would be female
48 would be male

70 would be nonwhite
30 would be white

70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian

89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual

 6 people would possess 59 percent of the entire world's wealth,
and all 6 would be from the United States.

80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
 1 would be near death
 1 would be pregnant
 1 would have a college education
 1 would own a computer

The following is an anonymous interpretation:

Think of it this way.

If you live in a good home, have plenty to eat and can read, you are a member of a very select group. And if you have a good house, food, can read and have a computer, you are among the very elite.

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness…you are more fortunate than the million who will not survive this week. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death you are fortunate, more than three billion people in the world can't.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and still married you are very rare, even in the United States If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful…you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

(Similar contributions from W. C. Fields, and Itsy's Dad)

Have you tried to come up with the perfect verse, greeting or message when sending a card, and your mind draws a blank? If you have some favorites, send them to Pat@pobox.com.

On your anniversary, Daughter, we'd like to tell you the secret of a happy marriage. Give up the remote control!

Contributors: Please eliminate the forwarding marks (> > >) from your articles before sending them.

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