I don't think our kids know what an apron is. The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.   It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.
Send this to those who would know, and love the story about Grandma's aprons.
REMEMBER  Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the windowsill to cool. Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. The AA is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the  car isn't running very well, I  will  pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what  I'm looking at.  If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

Because I'm a man, when I  catch a cold, I need someone to  bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed  and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."  For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.  (F.Y.I.:  Guys, cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

Because I'm a man, when one of  our appliances stops  working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite  evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair  person gets here  and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.  And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. And if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine.  You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do

This has been a public service message for Women to better understand Men.

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr.Wilkens said,  "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said,
"I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."
 
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6  good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded,"If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
 
The trooper said,"We're going to pull her up again tomorrow!

 COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help  you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office  in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's  Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy  one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why?  Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a  computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know.  What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind  the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO:  No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track  expenses and run my business.  What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my  office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I  just did.
COSTELLO: You just did  what?
ABBOTT: Recommend  something.
COSTELLO: You recommended  something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT:  Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my  office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I  recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I  already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my  computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I  need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in  Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for  Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for  windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click  the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your  blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.  What about  financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money  with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to  track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with  your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my  computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I  get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it  illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us  a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give  you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not?  THEY OWN IT!
(A few days  later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I  help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer  off?
ABBOTT: Click on  "START".............

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes fordoing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?